This bi-monthly evaluation has been a helpful method that has forced me to take time to examine my heart and make sense of what I have been dealing with under the surface. It being unnatural for me to examine my own heart makes it very tempting for me to just wait until time slows down around me to have the free time to do that hard work. I was just passing by events in my life without noticing their impact on me at all (I didn’t really process staff conference until sat down to write this). There were a few times this week when I choose to stay at the apartment and take some serious time to be with the Lord, studying the word, and trying to figure out what some of my sinful tendencies are. I was initially skeptical, like I was missing opportunities on campus, but the time proved to be fruitful and beneficial (in that the closer I have been drawn to the Lord the more visible Christ will be in me to others).
For some people I saw real growth in a commitment to follow up. With two guys in particular I found myself at the beginning of the week planning follow up opportunities with them. My note taking has improved over last evaluation, but I found myself wishing that they are more detailed and that the notes would fuel decisions of prioritizing follow up. With such an influx of people arriving percentage wise I my follow up has really plummeted, which was discouraging. At large group on Wednesday it was also more natural to be suggesting follow up times even during the initial meeting.
These two weeks I saw many missed “deadlines.” I continually forgot to fill out my initial expense report and bring it in to HQ, I forgot about planning worship, printing out music, making slideshows; all until the last minute. I did not call some of my assigned outreach contacts right away. I haven’t updated my online journal for my supporters since before Staff conference. These have been lots of things that I said I’d do that did not get done in a timely manner. My usual reaction is to simply ignore it and think “it’ll work out ok.” While it does usually work out ok, those are real opportunities to examine how my heart is engaged in the event, and to minister to my heart and others. God was gracious to allow so much of it to happen and go unexamined to prove to me how much a problem it really can be in my life.