This semester has not been too hard, yet.
February ended earlier than I thought (28 days just seems too short!). Thus, I don't really have a full recap prepared for the first of March. Shortly, I'll fill you in on some of the changes my Youth Group will be going through soon.
Also, I've been struggling with realizing how much I don't like doing the things that I don't like to do. That's always been a problem for me, but it's never been one that I've been able to label it and know it as a problem and still feel powerless against it. I just gotta man up and realize that God has called me to certain things (be a Christian, be a man, be a family member, be a member of a church, be a roommate, be a student, be a Youth Intern, etc) and accept the corresponding responsibilities - not as optional, but also not as a burdensome duty. This is the best plan for my life right now and that is a good thing!
Another question on my mind lately has been - where am I called to find my primary source of community? If you asked me who have been the best friends that I've made since moving to St. Louis, I'm not entirely sure how I'd answer, but I'm leaning towards my friends at my church and in several ways I feel guilty about that. If you ask me what have been my most life-giving relationships I'd probably say that the ones at my church have been and I struggle with wondering if that is the way it should be. Living on the campus of a seminary is a unique opportunity to be around so many people in such a similar station of life that I'll never have again. These are people who deeply love the Lord and have the place and wisdom to speak into my life in a way that no one else can. Am I failure if I leave seminary without a group of people who will be my best friends for the rest of my life? Am I underestimating the friendships I have made? I one day want to serve a church where I will be calling people to find their primary community among their church family. At my church in Waterloo, I really feel like I am home. I feel welcomed and I feel like people are beginning to really know me. I feel like people are glad that I am there and that there are people in the town who I want to get to know and care for better. It's a great place to be!
February ended earlier than I thought (28 days just seems too short!). Thus, I don't really have a full recap prepared for the first of March. Shortly, I'll fill you in on some of the changes my Youth Group will be going through soon.
Also, I've been struggling with realizing how much I don't like doing the things that I don't like to do. That's always been a problem for me, but it's never been one that I've been able to label it and know it as a problem and still feel powerless against it. I just gotta man up and realize that God has called me to certain things (be a Christian, be a man, be a family member, be a member of a church, be a roommate, be a student, be a Youth Intern, etc) and accept the corresponding responsibilities - not as optional, but also not as a burdensome duty. This is the best plan for my life right now and that is a good thing!
Another question on my mind lately has been - where am I called to find my primary source of community? If you asked me who have been the best friends that I've made since moving to St. Louis, I'm not entirely sure how I'd answer, but I'm leaning towards my friends at my church and in several ways I feel guilty about that. If you ask me what have been my most life-giving relationships I'd probably say that the ones at my church have been and I struggle with wondering if that is the way it should be. Living on the campus of a seminary is a unique opportunity to be around so many people in such a similar station of life that I'll never have again. These are people who deeply love the Lord and have the place and wisdom to speak into my life in a way that no one else can. Am I failure if I leave seminary without a group of people who will be my best friends for the rest of my life? Am I underestimating the friendships I have made? I one day want to serve a church where I will be calling people to find their primary community among their church family. At my church in Waterloo, I really feel like I am home. I feel welcomed and I feel like people are beginning to really know me. I feel like people are glad that I am there and that there are people in the town who I want to get to know and care for better. It's a great place to be!
It's been helpful for me to think through where I feel that God is calling me to be and how he would have me spend my time. When we have to choose between good things and bad things we don't often worry about it. I have two great places to be right now and I do feel as though God is calling me to be present at both places. I need to feel confident with that, I need to trust him to be my security - because I know that I won't be able to either be a student or an intern perfectly. If my identity and sense of self-worth is not found in Christ then I will constantly be rushing back and forth between my campus and my church looking desperately for affirmation - for someone to tell me that I'm not a failure. Christ's tomb is empty and he is sitting on the throne and declaring from heaven that I am not a failure - the more I can learn to take him at his word the more peace I'll have in fulfilling his calling.