I've felt pretty overwhelmed lately. My work has kept me up late at nights - I have not been sleeping a whole lot. I have been wasting lots of time being idle on the internet. I haven't been able to keep up with friends like I would have wanted to. I'm struggling to plan a bachelor's party back in PA. I'm worried about making friends here. I'm worried about picking the "right" church and eventually getting the "right" internship, that will eventually get me the necessary field work hours to graduate and count towards my ordination WHILE still working to earn money. Plus, every so often I get this nagging feeling that I should have joined staff with DiscipleMakers and that I've made a mistake coming here.
When this happens and I begin to feel overwhelmed things happen. I, stupidly, spend less time in prayer. I spend less time being creative and cooking fun meals for myself and others. I play the guitar less. I spend more time reading pointless article online. I play with my new phone. I watch tv shows.
I feel like I've been doing many things poorly and I desperately just want to do one thing well. I tell myself the lie that once I graduate then I'll be able to focus all of my energy into one task and everything will just be perfect. Right now I feel like I'm juggling a lot, and instead of trying to do it efficiently or excellently, I'm really just biding my time until it all blows over.
One class in particular has been ministering to me during all of this. It's called Spiritual Ministry and Formation. We've been working on a project called our "Divine Design" and reading a book named, "The Call. "The premise of the class is that God has uniquely designed each of us in certain ways for certain purposes. . The implication being that we are never more satisfied then when we are completely given over to the task that God has called us to do to bring glory to Him.
If we have a right understanding of who we are, how God created us, and what He would have us do we can be fully given over to the pursuit of it - we can be totally sold out to our identities in Jesus Christ. The author of "The Call" writes:
"Personally summoned by the Creator of the universe, we are given a meaning in what we do that flames over every second and inch of our lives. Challenged, inspired, rebuked, and encouraged by God’s call, we cannot for a moment settle down to the comfortable, the mediocre, the banal, and the boring. The call is always to the higher, the deeper, and the father. "
I've spent a lot of time feeling like I'm drowning. Being unsure of who I am and why I am here has lead me towards apathy in my studies and relationships. Soon, I just have an ever increasing pile of things to do and, seemingly, no good reason to do them. My life has lacked DRIVE and meaning and purpose.
- Beginning a day by reading the Bible and knowing that waking up today has been an undeserved gift from a loving God who gives me only good things.
- Hearing from pastors about seeing the Glory of God in using imperfect things to build his Church and change the world with it.
- Going to a park, not being able to see man-made structures, seeing the HUGENESS of the horizon (in ways we could only dream about in PA) and knowing how great and powerful God really is.
- Sensing the excitement build in me as I contemplate how what I'm learning and doing will one day better help me minister to God's people and open God's word to them.
- Knowing that that excitement is part of my Divine Design.
- Being reminded that God has claimed me as His own. He has adopted me as His son and His love for me is conditional only on the completed work of His only begotten Son, Jesus. Jesus is God and my acceptance has been purchased.