One of the most blatant evidences in my growth in my first goal (Life events connected to my sin will be an opportunity to understand more about myself instead of merely happenstance) showed itself when I ‘lost’ my cell phone for two days. Instead of ignoring it's affect on me, as I normally would do, God lead me to take notice of how my lack of a cell phone made me feel like a less effective minister, like a burden on others, and a forgetful poor steward. The negative feelings certainly were stirring under the surface and being able to examine them I was able to confront the truth instead (that my only worth as a missionary is in Christ, not whether I can call people on the phone or not). To be reminded anew of that truth was refreshing and only possible because God caused me to do the hard work of examining my heart.
I received a series of positive feedback and compliments about my outreach efforts on campus and I had very strong negative reactions to them, very much doubting the sincerity of my efforts and the growth that others thought were evidenced by them. I was unreceptive to the compliments and immediately sought to disprove them (internally to myself and sometimes to the compliment giver). Through people (primarily Brian and Joel) discipling me and drawing me out on my responses it really rehashed an old heart issue of mine. I often deny that God is working very much in my life. I am faced with areas in my life that require lots of growth and my tendency is to despair and assume that the growth, and the power for the growth, necessary would come from me. By associating my current identity in my old/dead/sinful self instead of who I am in Christ I naturally am skeptical of growth and worry that people who notice growth in me are only noticing faked growth that was forced by my own strength. I know my own sins and doubt any potential for real growth. So, I can see how God orchestrated the events to have enough people take time out to compliment my growth so as to not let me overlook my reactions and really exposed how I was denying the good work that God was doing in me and grant me repentance.