I now believe that God is calling me to find my primary sense of community at my church. That's where he wants me to pursue life giving relationships, to feel most known, to seek most of my guidance and encouragement, and to call "home."
What that doesn't mean is that I have an excuse not to be engaged in the life of the community on the campus of my seminary. It doesn't mean that I am not called to be present at my seminary at all. I can't justify that laziness with the truth that I will find my primary community elsewhere. When I am on campus I need to truly be present there.
However, for about two good weeks I really pursued options for me living off campus. My most ideal situation was to find a family that goes to my church, lives halfway between my church and school and live with them free/mostly free. I actually had some legitimate options along those lines. When they fell through I pursued apartments in the area. My best friend from church and I looked at some excellent places there, met with relators, and made budgets. When we finally crunched all of the numbers we could tell that it just wouldn't work.
It was a terrific experience because I so naturally just go with the flow and take the path of least resistance. It was obedience that led me to do the research about moving. I not only found myself praying for guidance in this decision, but also the very process of it drew me closer to God. He showed me glimpses of the kind of proactive, initiative taking man he is growing me into but even more than that he showed me glimpses of himself.
So, when it came down to it - I was not going to spend more money to live by myself - even if it is closer to my church. As much as I really want to be more of a part of the life of my church's community, I had to realize that I was saying 'no' to an opportunity that I'll never have again in my life (namely to live so cheaply amongst so many people in such a similar station in life in a "campus" setting). So, now I have a confidence about what I will be doing in the future. I can rest assured that living on campus now is the best thing for me at this time in my life. I can also spend lots of time in Illinois at my church confidently knowing that there is where God wants me to be. These parts of my life are not full of worry any more!