The test did not go well.
Going into it I felt more or less prepared, but once I got there I couldn't tell you my nouns from my verbs and had trouble recalling even the most basic stuff. All of the memorized work that I had done collided in my head and I couldn't keep it straight. I had memorized tons of stuff, but when the rubber met the road I couldn't sort it out. As I struggled through it I wondered if the results would have been much different than if I had taken this three weeks ago.
It really exposed a lot of the deficiencies of my studying. Like, if I was shown a sequence, I could easily recognize and label it. But if asked to do the whole thing prompted with only the label my mind freaked out and had no clue where to start. I couldn't work backwards from the label for the life of me. It's a bold faced lie to say that I prepared well, but only didn't "test well." It's true, I don't test well, but there CLEARLY (well, now looking back on it) were lots of things I should have done to be better prepared. I need to begin witting things out, over and over again so I don't just recognize the paradigms and the vocab, but to be able to produce it.
So, now I'm here to sort out, other than study habits, what I learned here. This test, I really felt like not only had I studied, but that also I could face my inadequacies and instead of despairing over them, I could trust God and rest in His goodness. I think that I assumed that would be the magical recipe for a successful test. What I need to learn is that resting in God's goodness means that trusting that the time I spend in good study will be time well spent, that it's worth it to commit even harder and more deeply to the task given to me.This does not feel good at all. I've never really struggled with finding value in my academic performance before, but it's hard sometimes to feel all that special when you tank a test like I just did.Still, I think through that God is showing me that I am valuable well beyond my Greek test scores. I have worth imparted to me because God was willing to pay for me w/ His Son. That even, worst case scenario, I fail this course God can still have use for me, because I can be weak so that He might be strong in me.